I don’t know about you but this year I am approaching my businesses differently. In the past, I set big goals for myself such as make $30K in a year (noting this was a ‘big’ goal for me as I was also working full time at my 9-5) and when I didn’t reach this goal I was crushed. Demoralized, disappointed and embarrassed. It took me a long time to recover from this and I am a life coach, someone who has the training and skills to know that the goals don’t define me or dictate how I feel. But still I was really disappointed in myself and thus disappointed with my business. Disappointment is a feeling that I really struggle with. It often comes with a stop work order and wallow in unproductivity.
Looking back at this, here is the mistake I made: I was thinking that when I reached my goal, I would feel better. I would feel better about my business, my future and myself.
While this logic may make sense: you accomplished x so you feel happy and confident.
The other way to look at this is: you won’t feel happy or confident until you reach your goal and when you don’t get there, these feelings eclipse you.
You don’t get to feel happy or confident because you failed. You also didn’t feel happy or confident along the way because you were waiting for them to arrive at the finish line. In focusing so much on the finish line and the misnomer that that marker will bring you to a better place, you have missed or glossed over the opportunities to feel good along the way.
This is what happened to me. I believed that I didn’t get to feel confident about my business venture until I reached that $30K. That it wouldn’t be legitimate until then. That after I got there, only then, would doors open for me.
Because I was believing this, I was anxious and in a rush to get to the finish line. I put a lot of unnecessary pressure on myself. I didn’t enjoy the process or see the progress I was making. Then when I didn’t reach my goal, I was really hard on myself.
Other examples of thinking this way (consciously or unconsciously) are:
When I find a husband/wife, my life will improve.
If I had more money in the bank, I would feel more at ease.
Once I get that promotion, I will have more satisfaction with my job.
The good news is there is a different way to approach your goals and desires.
The key is to take that feeling that you believe you will get at the end and apply it to your life now.
Taking the example from before, you can choose to feel happy and content right now, in this very moment. You can feel happy way before you make $1. You can choose to feel confident even if you get 57 no’s. You can choose to feel happy even if you don’t reach your goal. All you have to do is intentionally choose to feel this way.
For me this looks like:
Setting goals but I not rushing to the finish line.
Leaning into feeling disappointed and looking to this as a sign of progress.
Believing that the work in-between setting a goal and reaching it is the best part.
What a difference in the energy this approach will bring to my work. What a difference it will have on my life.
If you also want to take a different approach or need help intentionally feeling a certain way about your next endeavor, write me to book a strategy session.
Cheers xo