How "Ugly" Emotions are the Key to Tranformation
We're talking the icky feelings like shame, anger, regret
In the spirit of Scorpio season, which is often a time of transformation, and the new moon in Scorpio occurring on November 19th, let’s take a moment to dive deep.
I want you to think of the worst, ugliest feeling that you don’t like to feel.
This might be shame, humiliation, anxiety, remorse - the ones that really weigh on you and, if you had the option, you would never feel them ever again.
Which feeling is the ickiest one for you?
Then ask yourself - why don’t you want to feel this?
What is it about that feeling that is so bad?
For me this is shame. The feeling of shame has been closed down in a casket inside of myself for years and I hope I would never have to let it out. Shame thrives in secrecy. Shame is often the covering up of something we believe to be “wrong” with ourselves. Take for example: I lied then I feel shame because I believe “I am a bad person” for lying. I don’t want anyone to find out that I am “a bad person” so I keep these feelings hidden and buried away.
The mistake here is believing that the feeling is inherently tied to who we are as a person.
Shame = I am bad.
Humiliation = I am flawed (and everyone knows it).
Anxiety = I’ve done something wrong.
The truth is these feelings do not define you nor do they mean anything about you. Nothing has gone wrong. You are not flawed. You do not need to hide or pretend to be perfect.
Having these feelings is a natural part of being a human. They are proof that you are alive.
And yet we do everything we can not to feel them - drinking, eating, scrolling mindlessly, distracting yourself with work, tv, bad decisions etc.
Yet on the other side of these ugly emotions, is freedom to be fully you.
The key to coming back to yourself, in your purest & most authentic form, is learning to sit with discomfort.
When we truly sit with an icky feeling (without ignoring it, running away or pretending it doesn’t exist) it shines light on the parts of ourselves that we don’t like and brings them to the surface. When you bring them to the surface, this allow them to breath and creates space for empathy.
Empathy for yourself.
Empathy for the emotion.
Empathy for others.
Owning these feelings is an act of courage. Finding empathy for yourself in your rawest, most uncomfortable moments will eventually birth radical self-love.
I know its not easy and it may take practice but I promise you, if you stick with the practice, it will pay off tenfold.
If and when these heavy, ugly emotions rare their heads, here is a practice that can help you process them - bravely, cleanly and unfiltered:
Pause and find a space where you can be quiet with yourself
Breath into your body and locate where you are feeling sensations physically (heart, chest, throat etc.)
Name the emotion i.e. This is shame
Remind yourself that this a feeling and not a state of being or tangible part of you by repeating “I am feeling shame right now. This is the feeling of shame.”
Let yourself feel the sensations in your body by taking deep breaths and repeating the phrase above.
Sit with it until it passes. This can be noticing a different sensation in the body, having your breath calm down, watching your mind move onto something else.
Sending you so much love
xo
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