In 2024 I turned my life upside down

Divorce Story, Part 1

Now that my divorce is official, as in legally official, I feel like I can finally share some of this story. I had kept quiet about this side of my personal life for a couple of reasons. First and most importantly, I needed to be quiet myself and process what I was going through. Second, I was journaling and writing as part of my emotional processing, but didn’t know how to explain what happened succinctly. Third, my ex-husband is a private person and probably wouldn’t be pleased if he learned I was writing about our divorce. If he does find out, my guess is he will be angry. In the past, the fear of him being angry or upset would have kept me silent. Since it has been almost a year since our separation and the paperwork is signed, the side of me that would not share my experience because I don’t want to upset him has slowly been overtaken by a new version of myself - an independent, awake and resolute person.

I want to share this experience as the last year has been one of the most powerful transitions of my life. This period has been brutally hard but also brilliantly awakening. I faced my biggest fear, falling out of love and breaking someone’s heart, and a hundred other fears that followed like dominoes. I went through the fire and came out of the other side a completely different person. Sometimes I hardly recognize myself and feel like I am rediscovering an old, familiar but different friend. This person is someone I admire, someone who inspires me, someone who is capable of anything she puts her mind to - this person is me and I’ve never been more proud of myself.

If I can overcome my biggest fear, so can you. Not that I am encouraging or wanting anyone to get divorced. Going through a divorce sucks and I wouldn’t wish this for anyone. I just want you to know that sometimes doing the scariest thing becomes the thing that sets you free.

A little disclaimer before I begin:

There is my perspective of what happened and there is his, but I want to make it very clear that I made the choice to leave and in no way do I blame my ex-husband for what transpired or that our marriage ended in divorce. I am not mad at him nor do I hate him. There is a large part of me that still loves him and always will love him. Mostly what I have gone through is a period of deep sadness. I’ve been grieving the loss of not just my marriage but a huge chunk of my life. Everything that was familiar, comfortable and normal was gone. Gone by a choice that I made. The fact that my decision put me into one of the hardest situations of my life was a difficult pill to swallow. I did not want my marriage to end in divorce and at the same time, sitting where I am now, I could not see this ending any other way.

2024 was the year I turned my life upside down

If there is a succinct way for me to describe the last half of 2024 this would be it: