What to do When Your Biggest Dream is also Your Biggest Frustration
I know this one all too well
This last weekend I went to a mini-silent retreat with Bhante Sujatha, the Loving Kindness Monk and had the honor to teach a little yoga at the retreat. It was a beautiful day of meditation, Dharma talks and Buddhist teachings. At the end of the meditations, we had the opportunity to ask Bhante for advise or questions. I had one burning question for Bhante which was - how do I un-attach myself from my big dream? I asked this because I feel like I want this dream so badly and have been yearning over for at least 3 years, that my attachment to my dream and my NEED for it to come to fruition has been at my detriment. I have been frustrated; I have been mad at myself; I have told myself that it was my fault that the dream has not manifested yet; I have been jealous of other people who look like they have “made it” before I have; I have been mad at the universe that it is taking this long.
Bhante’s response to my question surprised me which was: keep working on your dream.
I had expected him to say something along the lines of yes you need to separate yourself from the dream and practice the Buddhist teaching of non-attachment.
Instead, I was thrilled at his response to keep going which I interpreted as a “permission slip” to keep following the burning desire in my heart.
This advise did come with a caveat to keep working on your dream but don’t cause yourself unnecessary suffering along the way. There’s no need to get frustrated at yourself or the circumstance. There is no need to rush the process. There’s no need to compare yourself to others. There’s no textbook to the timeline it will take or instruction manual to the steps it will take to realize this vision.
Working towards a dream, any dream, can be a completely different experience for each of the drivers behind it. Someone may see their dream come through in a year, others may take 2 years and another person may take 5+ years. Sometimes the timeline is in your control and sometimes it is not.
Keep working towards it while allowing yourself grace and space for the process to uniquely unfold in your life.
When I take a step back and reflect on my progress over the last three years, the resiliency and determination I have had can bring me to tears. I have not given up. I have not said it was too hard. I still believe in my dream. I continue to work diligently towards the vision. I still have this big burning desire in me. I know I won’t give up.
I believe this seeing this through is my soul’s work. I trust that I will know what to do in each moment and I trust that I am guided by powers I cannot see. I trust that timing is exactly as it is meant to be.
When I fall into the desperate, clingy or worried energy that my dream has yet to manifest (cause it happens) here is a process I use to shift out of this and back into alignment:
Find the feeling I think I will have when the dream comes true:
For me it’s relief. When it arrives I will be so relieved that I didn’t give up, that I stayed the course, that I believed in something that no one else believed in for me.
For others it may be joy or amazement or being so freaking proud of yourself you could burst.
Name the feeling (choose one): relief
Practice feeling that way NOW. Before the dream arrives, before everything works out, before you have the answers, practice feeling as if your dream is already here, as often as you can.
Reframe the story you tell yourself about this dream.
For example, instead of “why hasn’t it arrived yet” try shifting to “my dream is absolutely worth waiting for.”
Instead of “maybe this is not in the cards for me” move to “I trust the result will be better than I could have imagined.”
Instead of falling into frustration, return to your motivation behind the dream. For example, “I was born for this” or “this is the legacy I want to leave” “this is the impact I want to have on the world.”
Most of all, keep dreaming.
As my mentor once told me - if your dream doesn’t make you a little bit uneasy or feel sick to your stomach, you’re probably not dreaming big enough.
xo, Naomi
